I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
