remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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