my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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