O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
