I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
