where am i from again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
