nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
