I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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