Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
