You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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