woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
