Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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