this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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