you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
