At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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