Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
