I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
