Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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