He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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