Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
