things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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