but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just gargled with NyQuil
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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