my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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