i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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