Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
