i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
