you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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