i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
