Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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