I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
