Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
