eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
