Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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