considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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