Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
