Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
