That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
