Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
