she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
