i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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