Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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