I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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