Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
