brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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