i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Welp...herpes.
do herpes really smell.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
