Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
