good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
