if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And my parents said I crawled through the house
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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