Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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