six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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