She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
