is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
