I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
