clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
