You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
