Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
