u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
