So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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