In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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