Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
