I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
