I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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