Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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