I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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