thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
