if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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