i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
