Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
