I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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