There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
