What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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