I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
