Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
