were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize