My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
