...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
