can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
