The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
