Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
