is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
