I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
